We’ve all heard it before. Such and such a person tried therapy once, it was awful. The therapist told them they had an Oedipus complex, or took a call halfway through the session, or gave them an armchair diagnosis, or just asked “and how does that make you feel?” For. The. Entire. Hour. These experiences don’t exactly make the prospect of finding (and sticking to!) a therapist feel like a worthwhile undertaking.

What if I were to tell you, it’s not always, and not even usually, like that? What if I were to tell you that finding the right therapist can take time, trial and error, some effort, and is also absolutely worth it? If you have been on a therapy journey for a while, you might already know all this. You may have tried out two, or four, or ten therapists, some you stuck with for a little while, some you barely made it through one session with, and if you’re lucky, you’ve found at least one that has worked for you. This is for the people who haven’t been lucky. Or who have been afraid to try. Or who don’t know where to start. I want to talk about the very individual process, of finding the right therapist, because there probably is one for you, and they might be easier to find than you think.

Here are some tips that can help you discern what to look for when searching for the right person to spill your guts to.

• Ask your friends!

Most of us have at least one friend in therapy. If you and your friends share similar values, morals, and have issues of a similar nature, you may find that their therapist could be a good fit for you too.

• Get clear about some of the things you want to talk about/ work on in therapy.

Maybe you are feeling a lot of stress a work, anxious thoughts flood your mind, you are struggling to cope with a loss. Whatever it may be. Different therapists may focus on specific areas, some therapists practice in a more generalized capacity, is your topic one that you feel is uncommon? There’s a therapist for that! Most therapists will talk about the types of issues they work with, or have a section on their website or psychology today profile that lists them.

• Google therapists in your area.

Read their bio’s, see if they have social media accounts for their business, pick out words or phrases that the therapist uses that resonate with you. Did they mention anything that aligns with your values? Maybe they talk about feminism, intersectionality, trans affirming care, maybe they don’t. Decide if this is an important factor for you or how these values impact your world, and if they could be important conversations.

• Make sure the therapist is regulated.

The person you choose should have some form of education in the sphere of mental health, and they should be registered or licensed with a governing body. Examples in Alberta may include Registered Psychologists (R.Psych.) through CAP, Canadian Certified Counsellors (C.C.C.) through CCPA, and Registered Social Workers (RSW) through ACSW. If the therapist you’ve selected does not have any education or registration listed on their website or the website of the office they practice out of, you may want to ask them via email. Many companies offer health benefits coverage for the above licensed professionals, check with yours to see if you have mental health benefits, and who they will cover.

• Do a consult! Interview your therapist!

If you’ve done all of the above, or even if you haven’t, I would say this is one step you should take! Most therapists offer a free 15-30 minute phone or video consultation. This is your opportunity to ask any questions you may have, and to get a general idea of how you would feel opening up to this person. Did they seem warm and open? Did you like what they had to say about the way that they work? Do you feel a connection? If you are unclear or unsure about how the consult went, do one with another therapist. Therapists are service providers. They work for you. You do not need to pick the first one you contacted, or even the second, if you have not felt that they can help in the way that you need. Feeling that you are in a judgement free, compassionate, and supportive environment can be critical to your success in therapy.

Side Note: If you struggle with people pleasing, saying something at the end of your consult like “Thank you for your time, I will get back to you in the next day or two” may help you from feeling pressured to book in on the spot, and can help give you some space to think about if they were the right fit!

Disclaimer: Even if you do all of the above, you may still find that after a session or a few, that you do not feel like the therapist you’re seeing is a good fit. You are under no obligation to continue therapy with that person. Also, therapists are human, just like you! The therapeutic relationship is predicated on collaboration, and open communication. If you like your therapist and have been doing good work with them, letting them know if they have said something that doesn’t sit right with you, or you haven’t been finding a certain approach helpful, can help build a stronger connection and will inform your therapist of how to better help you. We want you to be successful and to feel that therapy is beneficial for you. If it hasn’t been, most of us will do our best to find resources that may be a better fit.